Trying to Breathe

I once read on a blog JUST BREATHE And I never knew quite what that was about ... Untill now

Well im trying to breath but the water just keeps comming in the deeper I breath the more water comes in (see below)

I have alot of HUGE tough choices to make in the next few days which will determine the the next 10-13 years of the most important people of my life the choices are very complex and will dertimine the future of my life...

I never thought that it would be this tough and I have put on a happy face and said I dont care if she leaves ( BIG LIE ) I want to support her and make her happybut I don't know if I can ( or am capable. This has broken me in a way I'LL never be the same. Iv taken on alot of challenges in my life (Navy, leaving my family,building jeeps ) I can learn to do anything except make Her happy. Iv taught my self computers, auto mechanics, landscaping,Welding



My question for tonight is....
Why can't I learn how to do this?

My journey

I entered the water willingly without a fear in the world Im brave and fear nothing....I felt it invelope me and I felt secure and happy then the water got rough very rough like the water wanted me out then it would suck me back in only to toss me and bash me against the rocks again . I still felt secure but straingly could not get out I was addicted and never wanted to get out. The water would calm again and I could enjoy the way it ingulfed me and ride the swells up anddown and enjoy all it had to offer the safty and the comfort it provided. I would sink just untill my eyes were above the surface. It felt incredible and I never wanted to be away...


I found my self away from shore and could no longer see land For the first time in my life I was scared no petrified. I felt the sea turning again this time tryin to finish me. Each wave pounding me holding me under just letting me up for half breaths.the Sea got stronger and I got weaker I could no longer swim I tried to float but that only lasted so long untill I could no longer hold My head above water.. After several failed attempts to get my arms to pull my self up to taste the sweet air once again...I took a breath and let it do to me which it had tried before I took it in burning and cold in my lungs

That which made me strong and safe had finally done me in as I sank down my last thought was Why so Arrogant Why so drunk with bravery ( nothing could hurt me ) I returned to which I came changed and never the same.

My journey

again I feel sadness A sadness that overwhelms me

The signs were there but I went forward in a way that only blind people( or the fearless/stupid) can see. I should have done better I should have faced it head on and now I have lost something that was so precious that i may never fully recover

I will never be the same

I have grown and learned many things but Ill never be the same person I was ( nor do I want to be )

I hope you find happiness I hope you find joy but I can never be HIM again .......

My journey

Lets see where to start....again

I started a new Job YEA...
I got served with papers ...BOOO
I went to a football game ...YEA EAgles got beat in Mile hi ...BOOOOO
My parents came to town for a weekend YEAAAAA.....I did not really get to TALK TO My father nor could I really tell him what has been going on with my life ( I chickened out again )...BOOOOOO


Fixed 1 car by fixing the shocks Yeaaaaaa....
Had the other toss the Wipers off ( which means a trip to the Junk yard) ...BOOOOOOO
The third car is back together and finally in good condition...Yea

So my life s filled with ups and downs just as anyone elses I just end up doing it more at night due to my late nite Vampire Like schedual.....

the world is a messed up place right now I try not to watch the news. I can't deal with more stuff to make me upset right now. I aviod it like the plague and i try to focus on the fun and good stuff in my life otherwise I tend to get Depressed and take it out on my wife ( smart move Huh)

I like that gas is finally comming down to a manageable price the $3 range limits what i get to do in any week ( living paycheck to paycheck sucks ) AND I MAKE A TON OF MONEY ( well it useto be a ton of money ) I guess you have to make at least a 100k to live non paycheck to paycheck ...
thats enough for today I have to atleast get some work done tonight


Untill we meet again I bid you fair winds and following seas

camping in the mountains ....

At it again
starting new job working back on nights and really enjoying making the kind of money that allows me to buy the things i need and some of the things I want.

I spent the weekend camping at 10k feet up in the Rockies had a pretty good time and saw the MIlky Way like I have never seen it clear and Beautifull.

It was a cold morning on Sunday Cold like I have never felt and it blew through me like a East coast cold no matter what I did I could not get warm untill the Sun came up and warmed me from the outside like a child standing in the sun for the first time.

Ihad a pretty good night Friday night drinking with a friend enjoying the outside. We started the day traveling to the top of Georgia pass in his jeep up to 13K and we got to pee on the Continental Divide which is cool cause you can pee in the Atlantic and the Pacific at the same time .

We then proceded to sit by the fire and consume lots of seagrams and seven untill i lost my hotdogs and had to retire for the night ...then Saturday came and the women made it up it was an amazing night with talk of pokin sticks and enjoying the fire untill the late night. We went to bed in a double sleeping bag and tried to stay warm


well thats enough for today

untilll we meet again

J

time to blog

Well I guess this is the thing that everyone is doing...We shal see how this goes

Im 30 and IN love and in love with my life

I have been through a fair amount of turmoil in my life and I think I would like to share some of my stories( think Lisa Simpson on the hammock 500lbs telling the kids to keep quite cause Mama has to watch her stories)

Sorry little off track I do that alot...

I live in the Rocky mountain Region and love it but miss the Jersey shore ( youth time spent there was immense only in the summer though...shout out to Sea Isle and Avalon )

I work with computers and all of my posts will be late at night and I will be rambling ALOT

Later
J